Wednesday, January 9, 2013

On being alive...

I

There was something wrong with him that evening-she could tell...but then he was not the kinda guy who would speak about anything. She figured maybe some random nothings would keep him distracted and so did her usual blabber routine which more or less felt flat after a while.
A certain darkness engulfed her. He was not listening. His mind was somewhere else.
She was somehow spaced out herself but kept making small talk, without really saying much.
It had been a long tiring day after all.

Both of them were largely in their own worlds staring into nothing, with their favorite beer pint and some live music in the background in an upscale rooftop pub in the suburbs. The night was cloudy and the winters had just started kicking in. Everything looked dull and gloomy.
And then something crazy happened... She saw him gazing at her. Before she could speak he reached forward and kissed her cheek. 
He was the type who'd just silently curl around her at night and breathe into her hair. She felt protected with him around even though they barely spoke.

But now he was gone and she was left cold and un-anchored. She just wanted to hold his stubbled face and make him look at her the way he did 2 months back...if only things were less complicated.

She wiped a tear off her face and stepped into the car. You cant lose what you never had. She told herself.

***
II


They met almost randomly and became the best of friends in no time - Two lost souls in an unknown town.
With time they realized they were the same people. Could joke around for hours - Everything just came so naturally..like clockwork.
Coffees, beers, lunches soon turned into talks about the pasts, dreams about the future and some bleak hope of togetherness. Some how everyone else around saw the obvious a long time before they could come in terms with their own feelings.
Are you guys a thing? His friends would ask him and he'd just brush them off. He did like her. But were they a thing?, he wondered.

He got mixed signals from her. Sometimes she'd act all bossy and wanted to know everything and sometimes she'd just disappear and cut him out for days. She was slightly dysfunctional he felt, but he was persistent and patient - and they really did get along realy well. He wanted to give it a shot.
Her erratic behavior however bothered him a lot and finally he confronted her one day.
She breathed deep and went numb and gave him a whole set of reasons for why they couldn't be together, which did not make any sense to him. This left him feeling even more confused and a little hurt somewhereas well.
After weeks of fighting and avoiding each other, they finally called truce and met for dinner.
It was just like old times. They took a walk back home with her comfortably tucked into his oversized jacket.
Do you know whats weird?, she said. I was so angry at you a week back and now I cant even figure out a reason why. He smiled. We are so good together like this, don’t you see? We cant have this if we stay confused about each other...
This time he kept quiet. This was the last time he was going to meet her, he decided. She was never going to come around.

***

III

3 years later

It had been a long exhausting night. The friends were gone and the two of them decided to get some air for a while. Being a party host was never easy.

It was 2 am and they were drunk silly, sitting on the swings in an old depleted garden near their house.

What does the heart want? She asked him, in a vague dreamy demeanor, staring at the sky.

She had been quiet for a long time. It scared him when she did that, so he played along.

I don't know...The heart is stupid, i guess. It doesn’t know what it wants. It can't reason.You gotta start loving from your mind you see...That’s the only way you can be happy.
He spoke calmly, being his logical self and he gave her a push.

No. That’s not true. You see, the heart just wants to be alive.

He laughed without asking her what she meant. He always enjoyed her drunk loony talks

Its true!, she continued...the heart recoils from love when it getting enough and rushes towards something unrequited. How else do you explain that?

He thought for a second. Because it wants to be alive?, He said after a brief pause.
It kind of made sense. Drunken philosophy always made sense.

Yes! She smiled. 
Come lets go home. He laughed and he helped her off the swing.

***

Monday, November 19, 2012

Rumi

“You try to be faithful
And sometimes you're cruel.
You are mine. Then, you leave.
Without you, I can't cope.

And when you take the lead,
I become your footstep.
Your absence leaves a void.
Without you, I can't cope.

You have disturbed my sleep,
You have wrecked my image.
You have set me apart.
Without you, I can't cope.”
― Rumi

Sunday, October 21, 2012

..

I've been roaming around
Looking down at all I see
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you and all you know
and how you speak
Someone like you ~

Kings of Leon