the chronicles of the supremely weird :-/

Okay So I'm kinda messed up about this one thing. And i cant make up my mind. Now I know that its hard to believe by the super depressive content in my blog but i am infact a NORMAL person !! I know i can be the biggest cribber around, but life has been infact more than kind to me. Sometimes i feel i have everything going right for me..you know, the bigger picture...and well, the small occasional breakdowns can always been taken care of right?

So basically i should just stop over thinking and put a sock in my mouth and be happy and ignore these lil things that are not so right and be all balanced and composed, right? But then i just cant stop freaking out !!! And recently, so many things are happening around me, and so fast that love,life and friendships have cock-tailed into this giant mess which can only be described as "The Supremely Weird" !!

Its hard to explain really ..bt sometimes you become so used to having some people around that you kinda miss them when they are not there, you know... a few people whom you love and hate at the same time ! i mean they piss the crap outta you but you just cant do without having them around !! weird !??? tell me about it ..!!!
Sometimes when too much of closeness is followed by cold and dry spells of distance and awkwardness (created by your own stupidity and confusion) you kinda miss them u know..but then you have too much of a goddamn ego to tell them that and you try and keep yourself super busy and pretend nothing is up at all !!!

I mean who cares right ?! you totally had a life before you met them !!!
So you try to go back to your old regime but now suddenly you discover..its not the same anymore...u've out grown all your old friends and nothing is good enough !!

I mean..i am surrounded by all these great set of people. and we are sharing some great laughs and good times....but its never really the same when i know that they are not the ones i wish were there with me...ccoz its not them that i miss...
Its this one person ive started connecting to recently... a person with whom i share some private jokes, you know...little things. unspoken things. silly things. Things which would not make any sense otherwise. but are special between us...

I mean its crazy right ?!! What is it, that these few people can possibly do to do?
How cool can they possibly be to make the past 20 years of your life before them seem irrelevant and stale !??!!!
Is it that you were probably just unaware of how great life could be or how miserable you were without having them around?!! And more importantly how the hell can let one person hurt you so easily like that ?!!

I mean they didnt ask you to..u just tagged them as friggin 'special' in the back of your head and put them in charge of that part of ur brains where they mess up emotions so friggin conveniently !!! How can one be soo friggin naive ?!!

I remember being the one preaching on how one shud 'suck it in and tuff it out' the loudest ! And now im wondering whatever happnd to the 'id rather put a bullet in my head than sulk over someone' attitude ?? Arrgggghhh !!! Stupid scumbag feelings !!! hate them !

Sigh.

As lame as the whole situation sounds, I guess emotions are a bit too complicated to be weighed by reason sometimes.... and just maybe, these people are worth all the emotional trauma...which by the way makes me wanna scream and turn around and run at these first signs of trouble !! (yeah, this is how it starts :-\)

Okay so i guess i do care a little more that i'd like to admit :-/

I really wish that i could keep the cynicism away for a day and take more chances in life...Be me for a change and not my insecurities...but it seems im becoming more and more clueless when comes to dealing with emotions with every passing day.

Arrgghhhh !!! Okhay tired of typing now and out of things to say anyway but still missing someone is SUPER lame n I cant believe its happening to me !

___


Disclaimer- There is absolutely no correlation between the authors thoughts that you get to read here and her actions in real life. She thinks shes too high and mighty and super cool to say words like 'i miss you' and 'i kinda care' which makes her life super complicated where she constantly has to fight and suppress her own feelings. I think shes on her way to a mental institution very soon.

Statuary Warning - Incase you know the author of this blog in real life, mentioning the content of her blog to her or trying to talk about it can be extremely dangerous to all your body parts. I mean seriously. Do not piss this woman off.


Peace.